White Lies

// VF File Photo by Andrew Tressel

The professor asked if we had any questions, and everyone else was shaking their heads no, so I did too. I didn’t understand the concept that was being explained, but I didn’t want to be the only one to raise my hand with a question, so I just shook my head like everyone else. And this was just the start of my week keeping track of white lies.

Originally the idea was to keep track of all the white lies I told in one day, but I found it’s hard to keep track because it changes the way you act during that day. It was easier to recall the white lies when I looked back at the entire day rather than identify them as they were happening, so I decided to reflect on each day for a week.

A simple web search taught me that a white lie is “a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.” I thought that I was a straightforward and blunt person, so I didn’t think I’d have much to learn about myself. My expectation was that I wouldn’t tell many white lies within the week, and I especially wouldn’t lie about the opinions I had about other people.

I was wrong.

On the second day, I met up with a friend before class. As we were parting, she said, “Have fun at class.” I said I would, even though I knew it was going to be boring, just like every other day. In class we had a critique, and my professor asked my opinion on someone else’s work following the question with, “Keep in mind they’re in this classroom.” Um, OK, how am I supposed to tell the complete truth now?

That day I had to dress up for a music performance after class, so I looked a little more put together than normal. During the span of the afternoon, several people complimented me on my attire. Barely noticing what they were wearing, I replied by telling them they looked nice as well. Whoops, out flew another three lies.

Later in the week, I was talking to my fiancé, and the inevitable question came up. “Where do you want to go to eat?” Without thinking, my immediate response was, “I don’t care.” But I did. I was astounded that those words had come out of my mouth when I had already decided in my mind exactly where I wanted to go.

At the end of the week, as I was tallying up my lies, I found that the majority of them occurred either when I was working or when I was interacting with other people, especially when I went to the mall.

Let me just say, that trip was a disaster from the start. I walked into a store and found a few items to try on. A friendly worker greeted me and asked if I needed help finding anything specific. I was looking for some dress clothes, but I told her that I was just looking around. Mmm, lie No. 1.

After I found some items, I went into the dressing room to try them on. Well, I already hate trying things on to begin with, but then a worker proceeded to unlock my door for another customer while I was undressing. She apologized, and I said, “It’s OK, I’m fine.” Of course I wasn’t! She had opened my locked door without knocking! I’ll probably be traumatized for life.

On the very last day of this experiment, I was at my house when my brother asked me, “Melly, how are you?” I answered, “I’m well,” and in response, he said, “Really, are you sure? Can I really trust you?” After that I thought, Am I so used to telling little white lies — especially about my feelings — that people have to question how I respond?

Looking back, most of the lies I told were because I felt obligated to respond politely in a given situation. I found that it was easier to tell a white lie than to just tell the truth because then I didn’t have to think about a true answer. I also used white lies to avoid confrontation. I found it much easier to say, “I’m fine,” rather than to tell someone I was angry or upset because then I would have to talk about it more.

Overall, keeping track of my white lies held me accountable for my words. I learned that sometimes it’s OK to not have a response right away. Sometimes it’s actually necessary to think about what you want, what you think or how you feel. Maybe white lies are needed in some cases, but maybe I need to follow one of the oldest sayings in the book and actually think before I speak.

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